There is no timeframe to grief and it is more than likely you will miss your person for the rest of your life. But over time you will find a way to live with the sorrow of your loss right beside the joy, happiness, and contentment of your life that will come back in time. We can miss people and also take solace and even happiness in their memory or their legacy.
There is a lot of “myth information” out there about grief and one of the myths is that time heals all wounds. Time may help to ease the pain but the key is what we do with the time. And what we need to do is to actively mourn the loss of the person who died. The best way to mourn is to talk out loud about our loss. To tell our story of loss to someone who is able, willing, and knows how to listen. Telling your story once or twice is not enough. You will need to tell your story many, many times. After my father died my mom said “I must have told the story of your dad’s illness and death over 100 times to Carlin (her best friend) in the living room” So find someone you will listen to you without interrupting, without giving advice, without trying to fix or take away your pain. Good listeners don’t talk… they just listen and are a witness to your story and feelings.
Another way to mourn is to write in a journal or express yourself through art, poetry, or music. Hiking or walking in nature is healing medicine if you are able to get out and about. The key is to not keep your feelings bottled up inside but to express them and get them out. Shine a light on them. When you are ready, reading books can be helpful as well. Especially by others who have had a similar loss. See here for a list of helpful books.
Another myth is the myth of closure or “getting over it.” We don’t get over the loss of a beloved spouse or child but we can and do learn to live with it. The loss reshapes our lives and the relationship takes on a new form. We can maintain our bond and connection to the person even though they are no longer on the planet. They live on in our memories and in our hearts and thoughts. They can even live on in our actions – things we do to honor their legacy. After my mother died I found myself talking to shopkeepers and strangers just like she always did. I use to just keep to myself but this was a new way of having my mom with me – in these new and refreshing conversations I never would have had before.